men behind trees

From an evolutionary perspective, liking you is a struggle against millions of years of adaptive instincts:

You are not

• Able to invest (no income; probably in debt due to tuition fees)
• Willing to invest (out of your allowance, 0% goes to me)
• Able to physically protect (we are not in the same landmass)
• Good parenting skills (no desire for reproduction, only reproductive recreation)
• Of social status (at least not the type of social status that has intrinsic access to valuable resources)
• Dependable (you cannot be depended upon to… pick up the phone. Though you are quite dependable for vaccuuming, reading, taking a productive dump, etc.)

You are, at least,

• Healthy/ possessed of athletic prowess (table sports? Hiking?)
• Older (though never in the eyes of bar staff- you’ve been carded in spite of 10 extra years)
• Taller
• Compatible [if compatibility is chemistry here, and if chemistry “is when both sides recognize a good thing” (Li, 2009); if compatibility comprises traits valued by both sexes such as kindness, education, exciting personality etc. etc.]
• Not in need of emotional help (no drama whoopee)

You know what? That suits me fine. I’ll stick to my maladaptive choices.

Li, N. (2009). Evolutionary psychology class week 4. Aforementioned quote as of yet unpublished anywhere except in hitherto unknown blog of errant undergrad.